So...Thrill Kill Kult....
Amazing concert.
I will spare you the details of the month of May because Arthur will be making the epic post on it (or at least he better)

During the concert there was social decay, the crowd rocking back and forth with angry energy fueled by The Kult. They pushed against me and I stood my ground defending Zero and Arthur for the Onslaught coming at us. At the moment they played "Do you Fear For Your Child" something snapped in me and I became something less, something feral. It felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! People got smashed! I need to have more concerts, I have alot of internal things that got worked out, even though I am sore today I feel rejuvinated and healthy.

*note asylum masks are good for protecting your teeth at a concert*

I realize this is short and I haven't written in forever but my long winded spark is not quite working these days.

Tags: arthur, asylum mask, thrill kill kult, zero
Current Location: Hotel Room
Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: Thrill Kill Kult- Kooler Than Jesus

GODDAM!

So watching the exploits in Sacramento from the deep dark caverns of Reno certainly gives you a different viewpoint of the whole thing. It's less like watching a soap opera and more like reading about it in TV Guide. You read the whole synopsis and think to yourself...


"Hmm... do I really need to watch that?"

Most of the time the answer is no but on occasion you find that the answer is indeed yes. I need back in Sacramento, I need it like I need Nicotine, or sex. Nicosex... thats what I really need. The only people I know who will shotgun with me are Brandon and Arthur. Ones in Tahoe and the other is where I need to get to.

I miss Arthur. He was my puppet and at the same time he was my puppet master. It was like masturbating with firearms... hurt like hell but funny nonetheless.

So in response to some kind of Zero party incident a response was given by Arthur's ex Adrian. So my natural curiosity got the better of me and I looked up his wiki entry. Not what I expected. Although to be honest what I expected was unrealistic anyway. I do however want to place my expectations upon him and meld him with machinery. Fuse him and wire him and make him my own experiment in cybernetic/organic fusion. The way he is designed in the internet he is already part of the machine, so why not complete the process?

Job update: Still nothing.

Quote update: Pantyhose Jones- "Why do you hate freedom?" Me- "Cause it doesn't give me free shit."

In closing: Adrian if you come across this please accept my invitation to fuse machinery to your body. Thank you for your cooperation.

EOL

Tags: adrian, arthur, cyborg, nicosex, puppetry, reno, sacramento, zero
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Generic Techno.

So I was at the movies watching Doomsday (Go see it) and then I was at Mel's Diner playing Magic the Gathering with my friend Dan while Noah watched. That is where I was during Zero's party and my only connection was through Arthur calling and texting me from time to time.


As for who Noah is...


Nah....don't need to say anything about that here.

Tags: arthur, dan, doomsday, magic:the gathering, mel's diner, noah, zero
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: MST3K 4th Season Theme

Ok so I haven't wrote much here since I got back to Reno. I am sure some of you want to know whats going on...well for awhile you won't see much because of one simple fact.

I really don't want to talk about Reno.
Really...no.
If I start writing about it I have to accept the fact that I am actually here. I am plotting, planning, trying to find an answer to the question.
The question is...where can I go that isn't Reno?

Tune in next time for the answer...whenever that will be.

Tags: reno
Current Location: Parent's House
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Dreamsides: Open your Eyes

Ok I haven't written in awhile so I figured I might as well.

I am back in Reno, after what was one of the strangest phsychosexual weeks ever in Sacramento. I would go into detail but the people who read this already know what has happened so I feel no need.

Anyway back to Reno, I discovered upon arrival that Anthony whom I thought was my friend, was acting like a cold asshole to me. I lost sleep trying to figure out why until Sophie brought to my attention the fact that he was always more of an aquantance to me than an actual friend. I just need to get my phone sync from him and call it done. I don't have time for people like him, especially now that he is a crazy drag queen.

Anyway with one hot Montana boy hookup out of the way I am currently someone involved in a flirty fuckbuddy relationship with Heather's ex Shannon a very schmexy 20 year old bi boy. We'll in a month or 2 be sharing a place to live and a bed for the sake of cheap rent...we shall see how that goes.

I will have more later.

Tags: anthony, heather, reno, sacramento, sexual, shannon, sophie

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Tags: cock, reno, youtube
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Nitzer Ebb-Lightning Man

Well chillun I went to SF last night for the first time in forever, Arthur and I decided that between me losing my job and his issues we needed a day to escape. 

The trip began with the car ride there, full of Rob Zombie and discussing the problem that is our lives at the moment. It rained the whole way down. People do not know how to drive in rain, so it was slow going. 

When we arrived we headed to Folsom St, being that it is so skeezy and sure beats the Castro. Arthur put it best when he said the Castro is Gay Disneyland, it is so tourist and heteronormative  that it hurts me deep inside. But Folsom...ya...

So we walked in the rain trying to figure out where to go...and we walked and walked...and it rained and it rained. We finally stopped at this small hole in the wall called....*trumpet chorus* The Hole in the Wall. The design was nifty, very cyber/metal. The bad part to this place was that there was alot of pot smoke in the air and if you know anything about me I am allergic to potsmoke. So we had one drink there...I had a Lemon Drop and Arthur had Stolli. We marveled about the design of the place and went back out into the rain.

We were following a website of bar listings and the next listed one was My Place. We looked up and down and couldn't find it. Finally a bum informed us that it had closed down some time ago. He then directed us to other Leather/Bear bars...he was the most informative bum ever and he didn't ask us for anything, maybe he wasn't a bum but just a crazy guy who likes standing out in the rain telling kids like us where we should go.

Anyway...

We ended up going to the Power House. There we stayed for most of the night. At first being that it was early there wasn't much going on. I got some coffee and Arthur got some Jack. We watched people for a bit and then the lemon drop hit me...then it began.

We got more booze. I introduced Arthur to Amaretto Sour and a few later we were quite drunk and quite candid with each other. We got old business out of the way entirly without being sugar coated and then bonded in a strange way. We chained smoked and watched more and more people come in. Then we met Gods.

Damon and Jesse from Treasure Island Studios, Cock Gods, Porn Kings, gahhhh!

They were there...we watched them intently and we were in awe. I have worked with porn stars and to most of them it's a job but for these guys it was life, they breathed cock, they dripped sex. 

For what seemed like ages we watched and then had to leave the area for fear that we would do something we might later regret to these Gods among fags. So we went back inside and pressed our foreheads together and discussed what we had seen, this was a defence mechanism so we didn't do what we were both thinking and that was blowing everybody there. It made everyone around us seem like a bluescreen shot. 

We sobered up enough to head out and went to the car and drove back, the whole time discussing the deeper meanings of Cock. Everything was Cock that night, Cock was everything, Cock is the All.

Arthur will most likely tell this in more detail and much better but I wanted to put my 2 bits in


Cock.

Tags: arthur, cock, daemon dogg, folsom, jesse, power house, rob zombie, the hole in the wall, treasure island studios
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: Lords of Acid- Heaven is an Orgasm

Ok...where to begin...

Well we all know I broke it off with Scott. Afterwards I did some serious thinking. I realized that as of right now, I am not wanting to be in a relationship. I don't feel right in them. I spoke to my friend Jordan in Reno this weekend about everything and I realized that every time I decide to persue something I get anxious and headachy. I function better when I am single, I get things done, I feel better. Then I get in a rut when I am not having sex and feel like I need to get a relationship. No more. I am stopping, perhaps for another year perhaps even longer.


So here is what I want. I want a friend who I can hang out with, have fun with. We have some sexin and occasionally share the same bed. We don't see each other everyday we just do our thing.  We aren't really exclusive we just put each other on the higher priority to bang list.

I am now accepting applications.

Tags: jordan, relationships, scott

 Ok I thought Scott was a bit more emotionally stable until today when I told him I was a bit upset by something he called me crying and talking about how he wanted to die. I realized then that I had made a critical mistake in getting with him. I doubt he will read this or that anyone reads this at all but for what it's worth I hated doing it. I don't feel very happy about it and certainly if I could have thought of a way to make it work I would have. I had a workaround for everything. His cp I had a workaround for, the fact that he has caretakers I found a workaround for. When he became as he put it a "basketcase today" I found I had no way to deal with this, that I am not emotionally solid enough to take that kind of emotional barrage. After it happened I still spoke with him a bit but I felt cold and sick to my stomach. I juggled it around in my head for hours. When I realized that I was just so cold and shaken and frustrated I dropped the ball, perhaps in the most cowardly way but in the way that would have saved alot of pain for both of us.


So if you are reading Scott I'm sorry.

Tags: emotions, relationships, scott
Current Location: Home.
Current Mood: guilty
Current Music: Nothing.

So yes...It's now 2008! *throw confetti* So now that 2007 can't get any worse I will review December 2007. There was the Zero/Arthur thing. Read my previous posts if you really want to know about it. It's done and no sense reviewing it as it really had nothing to do with the rest of the month. 

There was the staph infection which created problems for me and made me miss work and now I am finally  done with the anti-biotic regiment. Does anyone else have a problem with the word antibiotic anyway? It sounds like it's going to kill you. Missing work cost me some money but there were other things that cost more.

I have a gamling problem...duh.   It reached it's peak when I gambled away about 600 dollars in one day when I went down to Reno. This of course has left me destitute and scraping by from Dec 25 until this coming friday. I know I have this problem and I know it's a problem because despite my brain telling me not to do it I end up reaching into my wallet and immediatly pulling out some obscene amount and feeding the beast.

Now Mark and I have been over for almost 2 years now, it's done it's over, it's under the bridge and has gone out into the ocean already. Now I hear that he's been saying that he is HIV poz and that I gave it too him, for 1 as of September 2007 I have been negative and we haven't been sexually involved since around August or Setember of 2006. For 2,  the fact that he hasn't gone to get tested until recently is disturbing. For 3, when I called him on it he denied it and started being really nice to me, for what purpose I am still not sure. I am washing my hands of it because apparently this has something to do with his ex Corey and him and I am not going to get dragged into another all out Reno war. Been there done that fuck it.

Meanwhile the fact that I do have a livejournal makes me concerned that I am emo.....am I? I dunno. Most people thing I am sad when honestly I am just reflective. I get misty eyed sure but it's more of a far off feeling I get and it gets happy.


As of 1/1/08 I am dating someone new, his name is Scott. He has Cerebral Palsy and has to use a wheel chair. He is however a very intelligent, sweet, kind and sexy guy. We know that due to his disability mixed with normal relationship issues that it won't be easy, but we are being realistic here and we are both willing to work. Relationships are work and I will stand by that until I'm dead. One thing I do know that when Scott leaned his head against my arm and looked at me with his doe brown eyes I just melted. I don't melt easily being that I am a rather fridgid indivdual but he melted me with that look

More info when I know myself.

( PS there were two guys I was semi dating, Tim and Mike. Tim left his boyfriend in Reno then moved back here and vanished after acting all weird. Mike is just a very busy person and really doesn't have time for anyone outside of family and close friends so neither of them went anywhere.)

Tags: arthur, corey, gambling, mark, mike, relationships, reno, scott, staph, tim, zero
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: None.